TO ANNIE: Next year, my daughter will tie the knot in a stunning but far-off place. In addition to requiring a ferry voyage, the location is roughly six hours away by car from my home. I’m hesitant to invite one of my closest friends because it’s an outdoor ceremony with uneven ground and a good deal of walking.
She is my closest and oldest friend, and I cherish her greatly. She does, however, have some mobility issues, so I’m concerned that the distance, the physical demands of the place, and the logistics of the trip may be too much for her. Furthermore, I don’t want her to feel pressured to spend money or purchase a gift that she might not feel comfortable doing.
I don’t want her to feel left out or irrelevant, though. It feels bad to not invite her, but it also feels wrong to place her in a tough situation where she would feel under pressure to accept even if it isn’t feasible for her.
How can I respect our friendship, let her know that she is important, and respond to this delicately and carefully? — Desiring to Show Consideration
DEAR DESIREING THOUGHTFULNESS: Forward the invitation. Give your companion the freedom to determine what she can manage. Make it clear in a brief letter that there is no need to attend and that no gift is required. She will value being included and trusted to make the best decision for herself if you are as close as you claim.
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