To Eric, At forty, I have a physical disability. For mobility, I require a powered wheelchair.
both inside my flat and outside. Some shattered glass from a bottle that was tossed onto the sidewalk by a passing automobile recently punctured my tires. I’ve been able to use my wheelchair for a week, and my new tires won’t arrive for another 20 days.
It’s not unfair, in my opinion, to be angry that I had to spend $200 on new tires because of someone else’s trash.
My caretaker doesn’t agree. He accuses me of being irresponsible for not stopping and turning around. Additionally, he claimed that I was overreacting, even though all I had done was grouse for about an hour and joke that the person who threw the bottle on the pavement owed me $200.
Am I displaying excessive sensitivity here? I think it’s reasonable to be irritated about having to spend $200 on something I don’t need to repair in order to continue functioning both inside and outside of my apartment because of litter, but I’d like to get your opinion just to be sure.
Weary
To Tire D: Let me clarify. Does your caregiver, who is aware of the difficulties you encounter in a world that is frequently inhospitable, believe that you have no right to be upset about this? Everyone is affected by litter, especially shattered glass, and even if it didn’t cost us $200 or temporarily limit our mobility, any one of us could and should be annoyed about having to cross a pavement littered with sharp objects.
You were more affected by what transpired than someone who could have just stepped aside or crunched the glass beneath a boot, and it wasn’t fair. Your caregiver must understand that you are affected differently by various things in the world. Empathy is this. Being sympathetic doesn’t require firsthand knowledge, but in this instance, it requires being able to understand how difficult this one struggle has impacted your life.
I hope he can continue to be supportive in other ways and that this is an isolated episode in your relationship. Because providing physical support is only one aspect of care. It also involves having the courage to say, “I see you.” You’re heard. Your feelings are legitimate.
To Eric, Both of my brothers died unexpectedly, and the most recent one was only three years ago. I am the youngest of three sons. I’ve been thrown into the role of executor for my parents, who are both approaching their 90th birthdays. I’ve talked to friends who also have aging parents and done a lot of study on what has to be in place financially and legally.
But I have no idea what my parents have in place, and they don’t want to discuss these problems with me. There are many unknowns because my father, who handled the most of the problems, is currently suffering from dementia. I just provided them a list of things we should consider, such a living will, power of attorney, health care proxy, etc.
I have volunteered to communicate directly with their lawyer and financial planner in order to alleviate my mother’s stress of caring for my father, but although they originally were open to the idea, there hasn’t been any progress on these chores.
I don’t want to put them under undue pressure, but I’m rather worried about this and want to make these crucial choices while they’re still healthy.
Walking Lightly
To Treading, I apologize for the hardships of this time of sadness and for the losses you have endured. It’s rarely simple to plan for later life with parents, but you’ve taken great proactive measures.
Take one modest task at a time to assist you and your parents feel less overwhelmed. I would advise you to begin with a power of attorney. As you may already know, it may be a rather easy process, and you can handle the majority of the paperwork. You’ll be able to speak with their lawyer and financial planner once they’ve given their approval and signed off, which will help you understand what they’ve already done.
Tell them exactly what worries you, what you need answered, and what advice you’re looking for. They can assist you in considering what to do for your parents next and, ideally, relieve some of your burdens.
You don’t have to accomplish everything at once, and you don’t have to handle everything. Nothing is ever flawless, so it won’t be. Don’t pay attention to your inner voice telling you that you’re failing your parents or making things worse for yourself if you forget something on your to-do list.
Questions can be sent to R. Eric Thomas at [email protected] or by mail at P.O. Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Subscribe to his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com and follow him on Instagram.)
Tribune Content Agency, LLC in 2025.
