TO ERIC: My brother-in-law and sister-in-law reside a few hours away. Although we do not have a close relationship, my wife and I attempt to try to see them when we are in the area (a few times a year). They don’t have children, but we have a preschooler. When they do visit our child, they are generous and kind to him, and they send him things from their trips.
Since our son doesn’t have any cousins or relatives who are his own age, we make an effort to foster deep bonds with the adults in his life. Recently, when members of our family unexpectedly stopped over, we didn’t answer the door. The backyard was where we were. After leaving with a regretful text message, they placed some lovely presents by the front door.
This gesture appears to be reasonable and respectful. However, we were genuinely let down. Instead of giving our son arbitrary presents and material possessions, we want him to get to know his aunt and uncle, form a relationship with them, and connect any material gifts to their affection. There is a trend because our relatives have done this more than twice.
It’s difficult to know how to let them know that we didn’t appreciate their nice gesture. We could have seen them if they had called while on the doorstep or at least given us fifteen minutes’ warning. I can think of no response that expresses gratitude for their contributions. Is it excessive to request that they spend some time with their nephew?
Time Is More Valuable Than Presents
Greetings, Time: Your predicament is nearly deserving of an O. Henry tale. However, there is still hope. Like you, they have good intentions. And everyone is making an effort to be giving. That’s a fantastic starting point.
Considering their behavior kindly, it’s possible that they don’t want to annoy you or assume that parents of little children don’t have time for entertainment. Starting with that assumption, you may begin actively urging them to act differently during their stay.
Say something like, “We really hate to miss you. Please give us a call when you’re on your way the next time you’re coming by.” We will be pleased to arrange a visit. Really. You might invite them to spend quality time with your son and express your desire for them to get to know him. Our son needs to know you, therefore is it possible for us to schedule a time for a formal visit?
As much as possible, avoid discussing the previous fleeting visit and instead keep your attention on the future. People occasionally require clear invitations. However, it appears like their hearts are in the right place, therefore their behaviors will follow if they are given some direction.
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