To Eric, A year ago, I started a new job. I replaced a guy who was retiring and a buddy of mine as a supervisor at a municipal organization.
Many of the individuals in the position I took over were part-time workers and retirees. Because they were so devoted to him, he allowed them to do whatever they pleased as long as it was completed. The workplace lacked organization.
During my initial attempts to implement tiny changes, I consistently received the comment that it was not the way we had previously done it.
Things needed to change, but I didn’t want to make it seem like it was just my way. My bosses would assume that I was the one complaining and that I was unable to get along with people if I brought up the subject with them. They would not even listen to me.
It’s to the point where the staff members always do the exact opposite when I walk in the door and ask them to do something. Being a worker there is embarrassing. I don’t have any help at all. Although I like my job, I am not respected by my employees.
I don’t know what I should do. I don’t feel like I’m in command there, so I’m not sure who is.
What ideas or suggestions do you have for what I could do?
Unrespected Supervisor
Respected Supervisor: Taking over someone else’s company culture can be quite challenging. Furthermore, a lot of the negotiating that takes place in a supervisory capacity is about what you need to modify and adapt to. That dance lasts for a long time. While I don’t want to minimize the importance of respect from the people you oversee, it’s equally critical to consider the expectations you have for the workplace, the expectations you have for yourself, and the expectations that are placed on you.
In order to do this, try to urge your managers to clarify for you what success means to you, how they define it, and what mechanisms are in place to support development. There may be no such systems, and many workplaces are flawed. However, by using this information, you may be able to change your expectations of yourself and, thus, alleviate some of the tension in your working relationships with the staff members you oversee.
You may want to speak with your friend as well. Even though you obviously don’t want to continue this flawed system, he might be able to provide advice or cheat codes. How do I handle these people? Ask him.
Cultural change is like turning a cruise ship instead of a speedboat. Finding one aspect of your work performance that you are happy with and putting all of your effort into it should be the first of many small steps that will be required.
To Eric, As women in our 60s, my best friend and I used to do everything together. She met a good man last year, and they were married after a short engagement. Even the wedding ceremony was performed by myself.
These days, we hardly ever see one another, and if we do, it’s only once a week via text or phone call.
Although I anticipated that our friendship would alter once she got married, I never imagined it would happen so drastically. If she wants to hang out with me and even other friends, her husband becomes irritated. I feel so abandoned and hurt. I’m not sure if I should discuss it with her or keep it to myself. I don’t want to make things unpleasant or build a breach between us.
Broken Friendship
To My Friendship: Speak to her. The way her new husband acts is alarming and domineering. One type of emotional abuse that might worsen and endanger her is isolation. When she spends time with friends, especially her best friend, he shouldn’t feel negatively about it. The National Domestic Violence Hotline (TheHotline.org) has services for her (and you). However, a talk based on your love for her and your want to see her happy and well can be the first step toward helping her.
You could also want to recruit additional pals. You can ask them if they’re seeing the same things you are, but you don’t want to join forces with her. She might be more likely to adopt this viewpoint if she hears it from several individuals. Try to ignore your hurt for the time being as you do this. You’ll want to make sure she understands the problems in her relationship before addressing it.
Questions can be sent to R. Eric Thomas at [email protected] or by mail at P.O. Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Subscribe to his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com and follow him on Instagram.)
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