To Eric, I made plans for a fall vacation with a group of pals some months ago. We paid for our round-trip airline tickets in advance, as well as the hotel and all-inclusive fees. My nephew and his fiancé sent me a save-the-date postcard a few weeks ago.
The wedding is scheduled for dates that coincide with my vacation and will take place in a state that is rather far from my home. Even while I would want to attend the wedding with my sister, his mother, and her family, I am torn about calling off my vacation because almost everything has been paid for.
I talked to my sister, and she didn’t seem upset or resentful about me going ahead with my plans. My nephew and I haven’t spoken yet. My other siblings don’t seem to be planning to go either. All of us are in our sixties and seventies.
I’ve always been close to my sister and her family, and I’ve made an effort to attend significant occasions like graduations whenever I can. I am therefore especially torn about not going. How should I consider this and come up with a strategy to proceed?
Aunt on vacation
Respected Aunt: It wasn’t anyone’s fault that this time around, but the goal of a Save the Date is to be on the calendar early enough to avoid these types of occurrences. I believe that everyone will realize that it is just not feasible to go without incurring a substantial financial loss.
Their comprehension does not, however, always address the underlying problem: you want to be there, and it is painful to be unable to do so. Not having a solid decision seems to be the source of the issue. Therefore, coming up with an alternative is a way forward. Before or after the wedding, how else can you honor your nephew and express your love and support? Maybe there’s a wedding shower you can go to, or after everything is settled, you may arrange a special visit.
Speaking with your nephew will enable you both come up with innovative ideas for keeping the relationship going while also relieving your stress.
To Eric, In answer to the grateful son who worries about his parents’ stress.
Like Grateful Sons, my parents had anxiety as they grew older. They struggled with anxiety. The thing that worried me the most was that I started to worry about my future when I looked at my parents. I started to worry that, whether by nature or nurture, I would probably inherit all of their anxiety for the rest of my life.
There may not be much you can do for your parents’ future, but there is a lot you can do for your own. That is my counsel to the grateful son. After discussing my worries with my doctor, I was prescribed a very little dosage of a very light anti-anxiety drug.
We found a drug that seemed to be helping, however the first one we tried was much too strong. I don’t want to experience the same level of anxiousness. It’s possible that Grateful Son’s parents gave him a preview of what lay ahead and allowed him the chance to build a better future.
One More Appreciative Son
Dear Appreciative: Understanding how our life might be shaped by our genetic predisposition is one of the many benefits of having elder relatives. It helps us understand older individuals and can inspire us to come up with innovative solutions or changes they might not notice. Additionally, it can assist us in making self-informed decisions.
To Eric, Your story about the new neighbor who wakes the letter writer up at five in the morning with a rooster caught my attention. I wanted to point out that the first thing I would advise people to do is look up their local laws. Backyard chickens are prohibited in many places. Some places might permit hens but not roosters. Are they even permitted in their area? Otherwise, they may likely file an anonymous complaint, which would require the new neighbor to relocate the birds and resolve their issue. While I appreciate your other recommendations, I would also consider getting a sleep machine to help block out the early morning crowing and possibly get some rest.
Silence
To Quiet: Excellent recommendations, many thanks! There is a purpose for noise restrictions. If talking to the new neighbor doesn’t work, getting assistance from the local authorities is an excellent choice. Furthermore, hens can lay eggs without a rooster, thus the rooster might be happier and healthier if it were placed in a larger space, depending on the neighbor’s goals.
Questions can be sent to R. Eric Thomas at [email protected] or by mail at P.O. Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Subscribe to his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com and follow him on Instagram.)
Tribune Content Agency, LLC in 2025.
